Back at the venue, wonderfully nourished with kai (food) and mauri (life force), we moved into ngā whare (houses) – Te Whare Tikanga Māori and Te Whare o Tangata Tiriti (house of non-Māori, Treaty of Waitangi partners). Welcome, mihi and pepeha were offered as introductions. I tried out my new “zhuzhed up” pepeha, incorporating my growing understanding of what maunga and awa mean for me as Pākehā. English and other languages were utilised to express who we are at this moment, and what’s important to us now.

Laughter, nods and smiles threw out invisible threads, creating our interdependent web of connection, with Playcentre and our families powerfully centred. What does it mean to belong here? What can I offer of value? Where can I place myself as we begin to dance through this weekend? And how do we relate with our sister whare? Some questions had been raised about working differently this weekend. Surely we need more time together as one. How can we be best partners for Playcentre without working in the same room? A beautifully worded article read popcorn-style by the group helped us all take a step back from Pākehā expectations and envision possibility as suits our Tangata Whenua sisters better.

Breathe out. Breathe in. New day dawned. Much expectation of this, the sole full day of the weekend. Hopefully full of heart and soul as well as cognitive alignment and action focus. A little more whakawhanaungatanga (connection making) to deepen our onion layering – when did you first join Playcentre? How many years have you attended Playcentre national meetings? Physically stand and see others’ journeys. Reminders of what’s important to make the most out of meetings – weaving through Te Ao Māori wisdom to complement Pākehā values and beliefs. Interesting to find out what everyone has come to this hui for. Pair-share. Discuss. Adjust. Utilising Liberating Structures “25/10 Crowd Sourcing” exercise we prioritised the order of business as fairly as possible.

One more preparatory reflection. Where are you positioning yourself and others out of:

·     I’m OK, You’re OK

·     I’m OK, You’re NOT OK

·     I’m NOT OK, You’re OK

·     I’m NOT OK, You’re NOT OK

And reflecting on the thoughts, feelings, behaviours in relation to your contribution. “How COULD I think->feel->behave to more effectively utilise this experience?”

Discussion points were worked through and wound around. Some people had much to externally share, others kept their journeys closer. The stances of several people shifted dramatically, leaving many witnesses rather bewildered at times. Humans can be most perplexing as well as fascinating. We could have done a session on DiSC to help people recognise how they work differently to other people and that there is a need for ALL the ways humans can experience the world, process information, make sense of things and communicate to each other. Instead, this time, a practice of listening to each other in new ways, that for some were rather uncomfortable. It can be difficult resisting the urge to interrupt, go straight to fixing the problem, tell a similar story or ask questions to assuage our own interest. To simply listen and acknowledge. What a gift.

Details, many details. Too many for some. Potentially big impacts. Tweaking words. How can we make this just right… with consensus in the room … and have our wishes fit within externally defined boundaries. Why can’t we do it this way? Catching everyone up on policies and historical reasoning, while also remaining open to new perspectives and even old, rehashed ideas that it’s time to rethink at this time. Not easy to bring everyone along for the Playcentre Rep-Ride, which also needs to flow coherently amidst the Trustee pillars and alongside Te Whare Tikanga Māori journeying. No-one 100% clear where the whole pathway will eventually lead.

What do I need? What does my family need? What about my home Playcentre and other centres I represent? What does Playcentre as a whole need?

48 hours of juggling these questions, dipping toes into unfamiliar water or diving straight into discussions, confident in either the topic or the process, or even just the environment we’ve created together. Opportunities to grow as a leader – in yourself, in this space. Will you take up the baton? “What will help me, what will help others? What is ACTUALLY important in this moment to raise with this group?” Sometimes it’s about a personal need to be seen and heard. Maybe a step further … to be right. Sometimes speaking aloud is how the thinking progresses. Being ok with experiencing the awkward. Some would rather not risk that terrible fate.

So how do we help everyone feel that their contribution is valuable? Given that we are all very different, even moment to moment. Given that we don’t understand exactly where everyone else is coming from, what they’re needing, often even what we ourselves are deeply needing. This is rather a task. Huge chasms in levels of trust, as part of personality and experiential differences, makes the consensus adventure more riddled with obstacles – as the “what ifs” and “but whys” abound and the eye-rolls respond. Not simple. “Assume the best intentions” and bring everyone along for the ride as best we can. Let go what we cannot unravel right now. Create a plan for figuring out future recommendations. Keep working together in Tika (Right), Pono (True), Aroha (Love) and Manawa Reka (wonder, openness, curiosity).

Acknowledgement for efforts made, time given, powerful and positive intentions held throughout mahi (work) done. It is key to stop and sincerely honour what has been offered in good faith. When the topic is sticky, the struggles real, the people must be appropriately respected, their value held as taonga (treasure). Go back to the grounding whakatauki:

“He aha te mea nui o te ao? He tangata. He tangata. He tangata.”

(What is the most important thing in the world? It is people. It is people. It is people.)

Draw your experience – what’s important to you? Sing together in gratitude for Playcentre and for each other. Speak those final words of appreciation and wishes for the future. Whānau Tupu Ngātahi – we are all growing & learning together as we play and live.